Let's Talk: Love, Consent & Sex
In the final week of Shy x Ferne Health's collaboration, we hosted 3 panels that covered a gamut of topics. We had conversations about consent, learnt to understand the realities of LGBTQ+ sexual health & wellness in Singapore and finally closed off with a panel of guests bringing sextech to the next frontier! Here are the key highlights:
Panel Discussion: Conversation About Consent and Harassment
👌 On understanding boundaries & consent
Consent is not about what the perpetrator has or has not done, but how it makes you feel.
The best way to understand boundaries would be to ask: What are my boundaries? What are your boundaries?
📞 Consent applies not only to sexual relations, but in other everyday situations as well
For example: a friend persistently calling despite you explicitly telling them you don’t want them to can also be considered as a breach of consent!
👪 Negotiating intergenerational understanding of consent
There is a gap in what parents and children perceive as acceptable. For example, a female going to the house of someone of the opposite gender would have been considered unacceptable in the past, and it is important for parents to accept new opinions and changing societal norms to be able to understand their childrens’ perspectives.
😡 Responding to crossed boundaries (self)
It is okay not to be nice. In societies where we are conditioned to be polite and courteous, the burden falls on “victims” of unwanted interactions to break out of that mould to assert themselves.
Tip: Take time to think about what your boundaries are before they are breached. This helps you remain vigilant and in a better position to react when you find yourself in compromising situations!
❤️ Responding to crossed boundaries (others)
When someone who has had their consent breached trusts you enough to confide in you, bear in mind that it is never easy for anyone to open up about such incidents. 1) be empathetic, 2) don’t assume you know what is best for them or start prescribing remedies, 3) Listen to, and ask them what they need from you.
Credit: PwC Luxembourg
Panel Discussion: Sexual Health and Wellness From an LGBTQ+ Perspective
🧑🤝🧑 Understanding your needs
Explore yourself first to know what you enjoy, so you can communicate your needs (or dealbreakers!) effectively. Being able to both give and receive both emotionally and sexually is important in any relationship.
Communication is the key to understanding what works for you and your partner!
⚠️ Tips on staying safe
Get a new toy when there’s a new partner. There is still a chance of getting infected with STDs via oral. Get checked regularly!
🏳️🌈 What can we do as allies of the LGBTQ+ community?
Use more inclusive language when it comes to talking about SHW. For example, instead of referring to people as women, use the broader term of menstruators that covers people who identify otherwise.
Speak to members of the LGBTQ+ community, educate yourself on issues that the LGBTQ+ community faces.
Call people out when there are discriminatory conversations happening
It is perfectly fine to be curious. When thinking about what to ask, first ask yourself if you’d like to be asked that question, if the answer is no, don’t ask it
Remember: The only reason why there are labels is because society likes to put people in boxes. The most important thing is to be yourself!
Panel Discussion: What sexual health concerns are people facing these days?
♂️♀️Healthcare from the male vs female perspective
Men have less resources to refer to when it comes to common gender-related health issues. At the same time, women also have the tendency to take charge of their health and well-being at an earlier stage!
🤕 Men judge themselves vs women are judged by others
According to Sean from Of Noah, men who faced problem with ED etc. find it difficult to seek help due to embarrassment and their ego.
🙋 The most commonly asked question: Birth control and its side effects
There are many existing birth control solutions in the market, and it is best to go for an assessment to understand what works best for you!
Despite advancements in the field, birth control is still a taboo topic due to the notion of abstinence being the best practice. However, this notion is slowly shifting and we can see the changes now with more activists and open conversations about this topic.
😮 Things we never knew
STD testing is still required for those in monogamous relationships. WHO recommends taking the test once a year!
ED is often an indication of a heart problem
Pain, bumps, rashes, blisters are signs for STI testing. Always get checked early! STIs can lead to a lot of psychological stress, and in turn affect your relationship.
Have more questions about sexual health and wellness, or topics you’d like us to talk about to suggest?
Let us know at hello@shy.sg 👋