Cause: Vaginal Dryness | Other Medical Causes | Psychological Causes | Home Remedies | Pain During Arousal

Have you ever felt a throbbing sensation in your pelvic and vaginal region during intercourse? And no, we’re not talking about the good kind of vibrations that come from sex. This sensation borders on discomfort, and could even be a sharp and aching pain for some individuals.

Just because painful sex is somewhat common, that doesn’t mean you should accept it as "normal." The occasional minor soreness may not be a cause for concern, but you should definitely not need to deal with intense, chronic pain.

Vaginal dryness is the most common cause of painful sex

In many instances of painful sex, vaginal dryness is the underlying cause and it is easier to feel pain and discomfort due to the sensitive nature of the vaginal skin. Additionally, dryness also throws off the vagina’s pH balance of good bacteria, which results in infections that further perpetuate painful sex.

You would be able to tell if a dry 🐱 is the cause of your painful sex if you have no other symptoms or medical conditions.

To avoid painful sex caused by vaginal dryness, use more lubricant

More natural lubrication can be produced if the person with a vulva becomes more relaxed, and if the amount of foreplay is increased.

If you’re thinking of external lubrication, water-soluble and silicone-based lubricants would make good choices!

Water-soluble lubricants that are glycerin free are preferable, as the lack of sugars (which is essentially the glycerin) within them will reduce risk of vaginal infection, irritation and sensitivities.
Silicone-based ones last longer and tend to be more slippery (meaning more movement is welcome). However, do take note that oil-based lubricants should not be used with condoms as they can dissolve the latex and cause the condom to break.

In other cases, painful sex is also caused by medical conditions

Vaginismus: a common condition involving involuntary spasms in the vaginal muscles, sometimes caused by a fear of being hurt
STDs and infections: These include yeast infections, genital warts, herpes sores, chlamydia, gonorrhoea or any other infection that causes pH imbalance
Problems with the cervix: when there is maximum penetration, the penis can reach the cervix, hence, infections or other problems with the cervix can also cause pain
Endometriosis: a condition where tissue that lines the uterus ends up growing outside of it, so during intercourse, this endometrial tissue would be pulled and stretched, causing the pain
Pelvic congestion syndrome: pretty much like having varicose veins within your pelvis. Some women develop clots within these pelvic veins causing disruption in the blood flow hence congestion.

If these symptoms sound familiar to you,

do get yourself professionally checked to figure out the root causes of your issues and get the medical help that you deserve!

“But all the conditions you mentioned are not familiar to me, why is it still painful when I have sex?”

Sometimes, this could be caused by an underlying psychological issue, such as guilt, inner conflicts regarding sex, or feelings regarding past abuse. In these cases, sexual therapy would be helpful.

In sex therapy, you can learn how to reestablish intimacy and improve communication with your partner. It could also include desensitization therapy, where you’ll learn vaginal relaxation techniques that can decrease pain.

Here are also some home remedies to try to avoid painful sex!

Some pain-relieving steps before sex include emptying your bladder, taking a warm bath, or over-the-counter pain relievers. All these can help in relaxing your muscles to reduce any tension
Have sex when you and your partner are relaxed, and not tired or anxious
Have open communication with your partner about the sexual experience and pain in general, such as where and when you feel pain, and which activities are the most pleasurable for you
Try sexual activities that do not cause pain such as oral sex, mutual masturbation, or other sensual activities
Apply an ice pack to the vulva to relieve burning after intercourse

“Is this normal? I also experience pain when I’m turned on”

Yes! This is indeed common, and it’s somewhat similar to the phenomenon of “blue balls” in males. When you get turned on, the blood rushes to the genitals, and if you do not orgasm, it can lead to pelvic congestion because your clitoris is trapped and cannot expand despite being filled with blood. This can cause a dull throbbing towards the opening or back of the vagina, or even a painful engorgement of the clitoris - where the clitoris feels very swelled up for a prolonged time even after an orgasm and takes a long time after sex for the painful swelling to settle.

To reduce the discomfort, you could focus on pre-foreplay foreplay, or taking it slower, so that blood can flow more slowly to prevent any sudden changes in your body.

In conclusion, sex should be experienced with consciousness and presence. Do not be fooled into taking “date rape” drugs to numb the pain so you can have sex, or grit your teeth and bear with the pain. Seek professional help! Be kind to your body.

Why Does It Hurt To Have Sex? People with Vulvas Edition