You’ve probably heard about the age-old rule of needing to pee after sex or the proper ways to stay hygienic. Aside from issues of cleanliness, your body also responds hormonally in different ways after sex which can in turn affect how you feel and more. For example, females tend to feel more attached to their sexual partners, and males tend to feel more...sleepy. Let’s learn about these biological reactions different sexes face post-hot-sex and how you can understand your partners’ (and your own) reactions better!

The post-sex hormones produced by male and female sexes create opposite emotional responses

Credits to Yadi Liu — *Credits to* *Yadi Liu*

Females release oxytocin, a love and bonding hormone

After orgasming (that is, if it happens), women tend to feel a close connection to their partners and often want to build up upon the feelings that they’re experiencing by cuddling or continuing a sensual experience. This is caused by the release of oxytocin, a love hormone that regulates our emotional responses and pro-social behavior, including trust, empathy, gazing, positive memories, processing of bonding cues, and positive communication.

Did you know that aside from love-making, oxytocin is also released during childbirth?

That explains a lot about the attachment that females get post-sex towards their partners.

There’s also a common stereotype that females really enjoy talking a lot after sex, which could be explained by the release of oxytocin, but in the event that they do not reach climax, all the pent up, restless energy in them is normally “burned off” through the extra conversations they might want to engage in.

On the other hand, the chemicals released during and after sex in males influence drowsiness

Have you ever wondered why he’s somehow always so sleepy after sex, or why he distances himself after intimacy? Again, you sort of have biology to blame. Naturally, the act of sexual intercourse can be tiring since it is physically taxing, and as it normally takes place at night and in a bed, the feels to hit snooze can be rather tempting.

Next, research has shown that during ejaculation, men release a cocktail of chemicals that include prolactin, a hormone that is naturally higher during sleep. Intercourse orgasms also tend to release 4 times as much prolactin than masturbation orgasms, hence this sleepy condition in males is more prevalent post-sex.

Dopamine, a well-known hormone that induces pleasure, is also released during sex, which decreases after intercourse for males. Hence, there’s a higher tendency for them to go out and do activities that can maintain or boost the levels of dopamine in their body, like going to eat or drink something or playing their favourite games.

Don’t let this distance you and your partner!

Now that you are more aware of the hormones that have been influencing your partner and their post-sex behaviour, take the opportunity to be more understanding and also to strengthen the connection with your partner by building intimate bonds, not emotional walls.

This can be done by showing your partner that you care about them and appreciate them. Talk about your experience, cuddle each other, be thoughtful and show kindness throughout it.

Have you ever experienced increased anxiety after sex?

If you have, it might be an indication of Post-coital Dysphoria (PCD)

The associated feelings would be that of sadness, tearfulness, or irritability following otherwise satisfactory and consensual sexual activity. (And no, they’re not crying because the sex was too bad or too good.)

PCD was found to be associated with current or past psychological distress, childhood sexual abuse, and other sexual dysfunctions. The study also found that the prevalence was higher in females than males, but males who have this condition experience the resolution phase (when the reasons behind the dysphoria are resolved) in a more varied, complex, and nuanced manner.

The reason behind post-coital dysphoria

The hormonal fluctuations in your body during and after sex can contribute significantly to PCD. During sex, many different hormones surge through your body, including dopamine and oxytocin which can give you some pretty intense “highs”. After sex, these hormone levels drop and return to the original levels in your body, which could cause some unexpected “lows”, such as anxiety.

How to take care of yourself and your partner when they experience post-coital dysphoria

Here are some good guiding questions to help yourself understand why you might be feeling anxious post-sex:

Was there something specific my partner did that triggered these feelings, or did they start when something didn’t go as planned?
Were these feelings of anxiety about the sex itself, my partner, or something else that’s going on in my life?
Did it have something to do with a traumatic event from the past?
Were my anxious feelings about my own self-image?

It would also be good to take note of how often this happens, and if similar levels of anxiety are felt when you engage in other activities or if it is only prevalent during sex.

And if your partner is feeling anxious or upset after sex, the best thing to do is to take stock of their current needs, be it emotional or external.

Ask them if they want to talk about it. If they do, listen, and if they don’t, do not pressure them to talk about it

Try not to let it bother you if they want to talk about their feelings and negative emotions after sex, especially if you are still experiencing increased positive emotions
Do give them space if they ask for it, or you could cheer them up in a way that you know would work best!

Why Do Females and Males React Differently After Sex?