“I Talked To My Parents About My Sex Life And …….”
“So, how’s life?” is something my parents would normally ask me when we have a weekly meal together. “Life’s pretty good, met my FWB last night and we explored a new style of role-playing. I also bought my first vibrator last week” would be an honest response, but knowing how conservative my religious family is, all I did was give a small smile and casually mention the other mundane things happening in my life relating to work and school.
Some examples of the “sex ed” I was exposed to at home:
I was 20, and when a *very mild K-drama style* kiss scene appeared on TV, they changed the channel
My mom doesn’t let me use a tampon because she thinks that would “take my virginity”
She literally told me I can’t kiss anybody until I’m married (Till today, I’m confused if she said “kiss” as a substitute for “sex”, but if she did mean this, then why even bother bringing it up at all???)
I wonder how they would react if they knew I wrote for a sex-focused blog like Shy. 😂😂
Anyway, thankfully, not all families are equally conservative, and here are stories of how some individuals managed to breach the topic of their sex lives to their parents!
“My dad first talked to me about sex when I was 14. I had no idea how to clear my search history back then, so this talk was triggered after he found porn in my search history. For the most part, it was an uncomfortable conversation because of how one-sided it was — he did all the talking while I sat there too shy to ask any questions. More like a lecture than an actual heart to heart.”
In the future when I become a parent,
“I don’t think I would want to scare my kids away by initiating the sex talk, especially if they are not ready. Instead, I would like to let my kids know that if they have any questions revolving around the topic of sex, that they shouldn’t feel ashamed about it and are free to ask me anything.
I think it is very important for my kids to feel comfortable when asking about the topic of sex since it eventually does become an integral part of everyone’s lives. If I don’t create an environment where they know I am comfortable and open to exploring sex-related topics with them, they might not be receptive to my advice and may look to their peers for questions who might be just as clueless as them or worse, feed them inappropriate information.”
“I would say that my family is generally quite close and open with each other about everything, so talking about sex is something that is normalised in my family, and it isn’t a scary experience to open up to them about it.
They’ve been giving me sex education since I was 14, mostly about being safe and the religious aspect of having premarital sex. It was when I was about 17 when I had my first serious boyfriend that I told them I was having sex! It was awkward at first since it was just me recounting my experiences, and they wouldn’t really add to the conversation or react much (at least they never got angry!). Eventually, they were more receptive and open to talking about sex and because of this, my parents are I got much closer and I tell them everything now!”
How has talking about your sex life openly impacted you?
“For one, it has definitely brought me closer to my family, since there really isn’t any barrier between us anymore. In general, I think talking about sex should not be a taboo at all, because everyone does it and it’s good to share experiences. (You never know who might give you new ideas to try in bed 😉).
Like everything else, sex and exploring your body is a journey, and having conversations about it with others can help you have new perspectives and ideas, helping you to better discover what you like or don’t.”
So, should I speak to my parents about my sex life?
If you’ve been wanting to build a closer relationship with your parents, breaching the topic about anything sexual-related can be one way to transition your relationship dynamic from parent-child to one where it’s just 2 adults speaking to each other. After all, having sex or even masturbating is something that is so common, and it might be interesting to casually talk about these with your ‘rents.
Go about it in a way that you know your parents would not get angry (even if you’re a fully grown adult). If your family is extremely conservative, start lightly, maybe bringing up how you’re going for a staycay or sleepover with your partner, which gives you a nice opportunity to slip in some conversations about birth control options. Or you could even bring up the topic of how you got a new *device*, or your first foray into masturbation. (ie: recall that childhood experience of when you humped the side of your bed, or even the day you realised that the water pressure from your shower head can do more for your body than just to cleanse it).
Choose the right setting as well, maybe at an intimate dinner, or a pre-bed conversation. (Don’t go announcing your colourful sex lives at a very public place, or loudly in front of all your other relatives). Remember that in their generation, it was still very common for people to wait till their wedding nights to have sex.
Overall, your parents probably also know that times have changed, but they probably can’t help but continue viewing you as their baby, even if you’re 35. Hope for the best with these conversations, but if they were clearly uncomfortable or did not respond in the way you wished they would, let it be, and at least you knew you tried to breach the topic.
And if the people in your life aren’t as open about conversing about sex as you would like, do check out Shy’s community forum — the space where you can ask and discuss all things sexual health with other users like yourself! Don’t worry, it’s completely anonymous 😉!